The Autobiography of An Outlier

Finding myself inch by inch

I am an outlier. I have always been that one person in a group, any group, that differs from all other members of the group. In the beginning, this made me weird, lonely, and depressed. Over time, however, I realized this was actually a gift.

I have been a spiritual seeker for as long as I can remember. I was raised as an observant Jew in the Bronx, in New York City. I received formal religious instruction in the local synagogue from teachers who as much as I can recall had plenty of information about rites, rituals, and ceremonies but little wisdom concerning spirituality. To be fair to them it is possible that they had great wisdom but hid whatever actual wisdom they had from their young students.

From as far back as I can recall I was an outsider of sorts. I was often being reprimanded for asking the “wrong questions” at the “wrong time” of the “wrong people” in the “wrong places” for the “wrong reasons”. This was painful for me. I acted out in dysfunctional ways, I had what one a psychologist might call “behavioral issues”.

I attended New York City public schools and in my earliest school days, I was often shunted to the back of the classroom where I absorbed the words and ideas I discovered in the encyclopedias that lined the back walls. There I would sit by myself “out of the way”. Even here I would listen to what was being taught and I insisted on asking questions. “What is the purpose of memorizing a long poem and reciting it back if you don’t understand what it means” I would ask. Teachers called this disruptive. I continued to ask questions and continued to be reprimanded. At the end of the school year, they would automatically move me onto the next level no matter how poor my test scores might be.

This attitude of my teachers towards the inquiries of this “disruptive” young man might have resulted in the shutting down of an inquisitive mind. — however, it didn’t. As I moved from grade to grade I became deeply knowledgeable about a wide range of subjects, though none of them had much to do with what was being taught in class. I became a very knowledgeable young person with very poor grades. From the time I entered public school until my third year of college, I struggled both socially and academically.

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