How to Stay Resilient When Bombarded With Negative Emotions

Sometimes I get frustrated about all the suffocating emphasis on positivity. Don’t get me wrong: I am actually a massive believer in the power of positive thought; however, I do not think that frantically trying to get rid of every thought that is not a positive one does much good.

Denying our more complex emotions — either because they make us uncomfortable, or because we are desperately trying to stay positive — prevents us from healing. The emotions that are typically labelled as negative, are usually trying to bring our attention to triggers or circumstances that need addressing. They are trying to show us where we need to adjust our thinking, our lives, our relationships, and our careers, etc.

Emotions are your intuitive self talking to you. Madly trying to suppress your emotions doesn’t work. Positive thinking has to be about becoming more aware of the emotions that indicate we are on the right path.

The simple truth is that complicated emotions are confrontational. They indicate that we have to face something, deal with trauma, face the pain, and come face-to-face with our wounded self. This is not always easy. Sometimes we would rather just pretend it is not happening. The problem with these emotions is that they don’t shut up just because we do not want to meet the challenge.

The good news is that — while we have to deal with our trauma and triggers — we do not have to be ruled by our emotions. We do not have to let guilt, fear, or shame dictate our decisions in life.

Below are some concepts and tools that I find useful when trying to be resilient while experiencing complex emotions:

In a podcast I once recorded with Michael Ballard, we talk about the concept of shrinking and stretching. When we are confronted with something complicated and scary, our survival instincts often makes us shrink away. It is fine to shrink away from something for a while; it is part of our survival mechanism. And for a short while, it works. Eventually, we need to stretch ourselves, though, in order to face the music and come up with practical solutions.

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