Anxiety. Will never happen to me. Or has it already?

Not that I am pretending to be a smartypants, but there might be a few potential reasons why you have decided to spend some minutes on this reading piece rather than scrolling through the flow of memes on Instagram. Anxiety might sound like a familiar term; the overwhelming era of digital presence has probably hinted you once or twice about anxiety as an essential part of millenials' starter pack. And honestly — who would prefer inner peace over being a high school overachiever turned university diplomas collector, turned coffee powered startuper, turned fintech guru with panic attacks, turned TED speaker returning to the roots and claiming that five minutes of spotlight is hardly worth an anxiety these days? Does ring a bell, huh? Suddenly pounding heart, shaking hands, sweating, shortage of breath, troubles focusing or sleeping might as well. And if you think you can relate to only one or two symptoms from above, you should get out there and work your ass off, you lazy soul, as you might not have got enough of modern overachiever's lifestyle yet. As sad as it is, the list of red flags your body is raising when experiencing chronic stress is much longer. I mean, yeah, ok, but ma' mama did not raise me to smile and wave, we are the ones who get out and kick asses, right? Could not agree more. Between embracing the leadership mindset, coping with the loss of parent, juggling of two managing positions at once, graduating from yet another Master's with distinction and working on perfect relationships with a perfect partner that eventually goes down the drain, I have learned one or two things about anxiety. Oh, no, no, there will be no success story on me writing yet another book on inspirational crap describing passionately how to battle anxiety and wake up spiritually healed; just some personal and very subjective thoughts on the journey that is challenging enough but rewards with some tailor made form of self-love that we lack so much these days.

So, how does always-on-top perfectionist like me ended up wandering my way out of anxiety? Ok, let's skip being delusional, wandering my way WITH anxiety, because acknowledging that anxiety is a completely logical outcome produced by a sensitive and always tense nervous system that will never fully go away helps a lot. Striving to be top achiever does not help. So, this is my case. And probably yours too. While choosing different paths, daily stress and pressure always find a ways to sneak in and if not closely monitored brings in old maid anxiety. To avoid ending up with getting anxious about being anxious I must say that there definitely are ways to help yourself. Or at least resources that will guide you to if not happy, then at least comfortable co-existing with anxiety.

Wise saying teach us that you must know your enemy, so here's some strategic backgroung info. Relying on the fact that you did not skip much of anatomy classes, I'll make the long story short — one of the components of highly complex nervous system of a human body is a symphatetic nervous system which basically works as an internal alarm. When symphatetic nervous system is triggered by any suspicious factor as wild animal attack in the jungle, or more relatable, wild Karen attack in the office kitchen, public speaking on topic you have been faking knowledge up until now or first date after being off the singles market for too long, it activates so called fight-or-flight mechanism. At that moment the body is overflown with tons of hormones designed to help us survive in the life-threatening situations. Most prominent of the notorious hormones pack might be cortisol aka stress hormone. If your daily overachiever's agenda includes regular dose of stress, you may trick your body into thinking that it is constantly under attack and that's where it gets bad. An another plot twist — it's not that only obvious stress like passing of loved one or a breakup silently leads us to anxiety. Our personality determines how we react on unpleasant situations and how we process the daily trash life brings up, so if you happen to be among us, less fortunate neirotics, congratulations — you might have just a won free ticket to the anxietyland. Body digesting cortisol and other stress by-products on a daily basis consumes a lot of energy and resources, so ending up with episodic shortage of breath might not be the worst scenario. If I look back to when I was a little pumpkin running around parent's house, todays knowledge of anxiety nature makes me realize that I have always been really easy to get excited and even easier — worried about things that should have had slipped away without paying much attention. Peculiarities of my nervous system requires a lot of me-time (and I do not mean me-time as doing make-up and blessing the world with a series of much alike selfies), which is sadly realized only when the crisis hit. Oh well. Anxiety has a brilliant talent in pretending to be any other disease you can imagine and it will trick you into thinking that you are either incurably ill or about to die (special thanks to Google for providing tons of written evidence proving all imagined diseases). No worries, I have been there too, still sometimes find myself suddenly stressing out about some mysterious ilness that is slowly taking away my cognitive abilities. Again, oh well. Battled anxiety for about 5 years now I can say you this — no, you are not dying nor losing your mind. And do not let the person who has never experienced anxiety or anxiety related symptoms to tell you that this is no biggie, you are imagining, overreacting, overthinking, being too emotional, perfectionist, looking for atention, you name it. Anxiety is not something you would imagine to put a fortunate millenial stamp on you, it is a condition that benefits from the exciting, yet destructive environment we are living in. You are not only trying to live up with your own expectations, but also striving to satisfy others', are busy with keeping your LinkedIn profile smart enough, Instagram — lifestylish enough, cook at home, but also make photos while eating out, work hard for a perfect body, but also embrace your strechmarks, be fashionable, but not mainstream, earn enough, but more than others and so on and so on. Well, it sounds even crazier when you put it on a (digital) paper like this.

Ok, fair enough, but not in a million year I am the one who is battling with anxiety, you may say. Well, not that I am dr. House, but I am pretty sure you sneaked into this post to be a neutral observer, but have already admitted having at least one of mentioned symptoms. I am not being pushy, it's just slowing down for a moment and catching at least one signal your body is sending you is great achievement that may help you to prevent yourself from eventually ending up being drained. Almost every one of my friends in their mid or late 20ties are experiencing anxiety in various forms from the lack of energy and inspiration at work to the troubles of falling asleep for months. And it's not because I have purposefully surrounded myself with a nervous wannabes, it's because this is the time, this is the point of life when we try to have it all, when we strive for perfection in professional and private life missing a major hint — there is no such thing as perfection. Sadly, majority of us slow down and pay attention only when anxiety has lowered the quality of life to some extent. So here are few takeaways that might or might not be useful for you in particular, but surely are worth reading in case you ever need an advice for your friend or random stressed Karen:

> No, you are not imagining those symptoms. While ruling out physical diseases by running tests is necessary, anxiety might trick you into the feeling that you are sick or make you fear for your wellbeing. An emergency bandage in such moments might be looking for anxiety symptoms online just to let yourself know what is that you are feeling.

> If eliminating obvious stress factors as quitting annoying job or ending a toxic relationship does not help you to ease anxiety, you can always dig deeper to examine emotional baggage you are carrying with a help of professional. And no, going to the therapy does not mean you are weak or mentally ill (another popular, yet absolutely useless opinion that helps to identify lack of emotional intelligence in person, sorry of being rude). Therapy will help you to find another perspective and process fears that define your reaction to the various situations.

> You are not perfect and you will never be. Here, you are welcome. And anyways, who gives a damn about what others (except your mum) think of you. One invested minute of judgement does not outweigh your endless hours of self-doubting. Just let it go.

Well, hope this helps. Or at least makes you smile. Also a good outcome.

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